


Affirmation

by jamlockk



Series: All the ways we love [8]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Caring John, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Overwhelmed Sherlock, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, They just 'Sherlock is a girl's name' each other so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 23:36:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5474714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamlockk/pseuds/jamlockk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sunlight dappled John's skin, casting a glow across his spreadeagled form as he dozed among the rumpled sheets. Sherlock knew the expression on his face was hopelessly soft but for once did not care about showing his true feelings so openly. He simply stood there, in the doorway, gazing at the impossibly beautiful man currently snuffling softly in his slumber."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affirmation

**Author's Note:**

> In episode 2 of 'Jam tries to break her smutblock', we see a trembly tiny smollest smoll Sherlock and a caring steady golden sun god John. Actually I just wanted to write the fluffiest of lazy morning sex and the first time feels and smollness just snuck in there. Darn.

_Affirmation_

Sunlight dappled John's skin, casting a glow across his spreadeagled form as he dozed among the rumpled sheets. Sherlock knew the expression on his face was hopelessly soft but for once did not care about showing his true feelings so openly. He simply stood there, in the doorway, gazing at the impossibly beautiful man currently snuffling softly in his slumber. 

John's presence had from that very first day been a steady guide for Sherlock, and in return Sherlock provided John with a renewed sense of purpose. Even as they explored this new facet of their relationship Sherlock couldn't help but feel as though in some way things had always been like this. True, it hadn't been easy. They still squabbled and sniped and bickered; John still lost his temper and stormed out; Sherlock still got lost in his head and too focused on his experiments. But now as well as awkward apologies there were kisses, each full of promise to do a little bit better next time. 

He could barely believe this was real. Only a few days since he had finally given up holding back and allowed just a fraction of the desire he felt for John to show on his face, for the briefest of moments. It was all that John had been waiting for, closing the distance between them to press their mouths together in a perfect kiss. Sherlock's lips tingled at the memory of that first, almost painfully tender embrace, and he flushed a little at the thought of the kisses that had followed. John had backed away slowly and reluctantly, insisting that they go slowly. Sherlock was equal parts annoyed and grateful for John's strength in this. He had found himself unexpectedly tentative and shy, relying on John's gently guiding hand and whispered admiration in these early days. As a small boy he had struggled to interpret his emotions and would often find himself overwhelmed to the point of lashing out in frustration. John was patient and he was kind, never patronising, and never hurtful. Somehow it seemed John instinctively knew exactly what Sherlock wanted and needed, and he merely acted on this knowledge. 

But their slow and steady pace was driving Sherlock utterly mindless. So far they had fumbled their way through several admittedly satisfying sexual encounters, hands in each other's pants like teenagers. But Sherlock was desperate to give himself fully to John, to let John see him at his most vulnerable, to allow John to be part of him and to feel their bodies connected. Sherlock's previous experiences had been brief and forgettable,; he ached to be taken and claimed by John. 

In his mind he pictured them, entwined as one beneath the sheets, their bodies moving in perfect synchronicity, slow and deep, reverent touch and delicate kisses. Sherlock imagined the feel of John's sun-dappled skin under his palms, the taste of John's kisses on his tongue, the weight of his body pressing down on Sherlock as he entered him carefully, oh so carefully, the feeling of John inside him. The thought of being so intimately joined with the man he loved made him shudder in the doorway as he watched John sleep in the early morning light of the bedroom. 

Tearing himself away from the vision John presented in his bed, Sherlock went into the bathroom to focus on the tasks that would enable him to feel all of those things, to experience that completion with John. 

He started with the cleansing enema recommended by the woman in the shop where he'd bought the lube; simple enough process and he wanted this to be so very good for them both. Then he showered, quietly so as not to wake John too soon. Naked and damp, he watched John sleep for a little while to calm his nerves. Ridiculous, he thought, that he should desire something so strongly and yet be anxious about actually having it. Then again, that summed up almost his entire friendship with John. 

Sherlock had realised too late just how deeply his feelings for John ran. So many things unsaid and, he could see now, both of them shying away from taking a step which they had thought could jeopardise their friendship. Why risk everything? They had been such cowards, so afraid of losing what they had had that they tried to be content with just a little, denying themselves what they had truly wanted. And now... Now it was all there. John was waiting for him in what had in only a short time become their bed. 

His nerves soothed by John's gentle breathing and occasional snuffles into the pillow, Sherlock turned back into the bathroom and picked up the lube he had chosen. He padded quietly back through to the bedroom and slipped between the sheets, tucking the lube under his pillow and curling himself around John's sleeping form. He had intended to fully prepare himself in the bathroom and wake John slowly, turning John towards him to present himself, ready and open, a gift for his lover. Now though he wanted to share everything about this with John, to feel everything. This would hopefully be their last first time. 

He pressed kisses into John's hair, savouring the feel of the soft strands against his lips. He reached out with one finger and slowly traced John's jaw, his cheek, his brow, the tip of his nose, watching greedily and soaking up every twitch of John's expressive face. John smiled. 

"Y'know that tickles," he murmured, not opening his eyes. Sherlock frowned and began to withdraw his hand. John made a discontented noise and pouted, so Sherlock returned to lightly tracing the contours of John's face. John smiled again, a soft, delicate thing, and sighed happily. 

"S'nice," he mumbled, "love your touch." Sherlock's nerves melted away completely with that simple statement, and he cupped John's face with his palm, tilting John's head up for a languid kiss. 

"Mmm, wh's'at for?" John asked sleepily. 

"Because I wanted to," Sherlock whispered. 

"Mmm, well you can do that anytime you like, ever you want," John replied, snuggling back down into the sheets and tugging Sherlock closer. Sherlock nestled his face into the curve of John's neck, tucking his hands in to stroke John's collarbone and inhaling deeply. John sighed again and the arm he had wrapped around Sherlock's back tightened further. John's breath ruffled his curls and John lifted his other hand to push into the thick hair at the roots. Sherlock moaned lowly in pleasure; his scalp was very sensitive and he absolutely adored having his hair stroked. 

"Always wanted to do that," John sighed, "feels lovely." Sherlock nodded and pushed his head up a little into the contact. They lay there a while, just enjoying the simple closeness of being in one another's arms. The hum of arousal that simmered between them was still present but had lulled. John seemed content to doze, so Sherlock took up exploring what he could reach of John's lovely body. 

He mouthed along John's collarbone, not kissing, just skimming his lips over the skin. His fingers trailed through the soft hair on John's stomach, over his hip, down his thigh a little. Then back up, along John's side, making him twitch and snort and complain between giggles that it tickled. Sherlock kept his touch light and his fingers danced, alighting here and landing there. John stopped giggling and his breathing became heavier, his hand in Sherlock's hair firmer. Sherlock continued his explorations, revelling in the sounds and reactions. He circled John's nipple with one fingertip and leaned up to swallow John's gasp in a sultry kiss. 

Sherlock pushed John to lie on his back and teased his nipple again, barely breaking the kiss. He leaned up on one arm, hovering over John so their bare chests brushed. Their tongues met and Sherlock hummed in delight. John licked into Sherlock's mouth, causing him to moan. The heat was building now as John's hand moved from Sherlock's hair to the back of his neck, carding through the curls at his nape and tugging lightly. Sweet shocks of pleasure sparked in Sherlock's veins and he broke the kiss to rub his face over John's chest, capturing his nipple gently between his teeth. Sherlock released it and licked, lapping like a cat. 

John sucked in a breath and with his free hand he sought Sherlock's hand. Their fingers entwined and John squeezed a little. Their breathing was unsteady, in time with one another as Sherlock continued, flicking his tongue against the sensitive nub. John let go of his hand and he pulled back to gaze at the pinkened flesh in satisfaction. The hand in his hair encouraged him down and their lips met once more.

Need and urgency were beginning to take over, and Sherlock gasped when John rolled them over and proceeded to press filthy kisses over any part of Sherlock he could see. 

"John," he whispered. "John, I want.."

"Yeah?" He felt John's words against his skin. 

"I want you," Sherlock said, his voice dropped low and rough. "Oh, I want you." John smiled and looked up, meeting his eyes. 

"I want you too," he replied, trailing kisses down Sherlock's chest. For a moment Sherlock was lost in the sensations but then he recovered himself to stop John's descent. Oh, how he loved the feel of John's mouth on him, but he was getting too wound up and he knew if John were to swallow him down as he had last night, Sherlock would come too quickly. No, he wanted more this time and he needed John to know. 

"No John, I want you. I want you inside me. I want to feel you, I want you to feel me." Sherlock felt his face flush as he spoke and forced himself to hold John's gaze. It was worth his blushes to see the darkening of John's eyes on hearing his words. Licking his lips, John nodded. 

"Oh God Sherlock, I want that too," he panted. "Um, gonna need, um, lube?" 

Sherlock reached under the pillow and produced the bottle. John grinned and kissed him again, taking the bottle from him and opening the cap with a small snick. 

"Condom?" John asked against his mouth. Sherlock shook his head and John pulled back. He looked down at Sherlock with a frown. "Need a condom, Sherlock," he said, his tone the 'I'm a sensible doctor' one Sherlock disliked. He opened his mouth to argue; they were both clean, Mycroft had expedited the results. Not the best of times to be disagreeing with John though, or to be thinking about one's brother. Blinking to clear that image, Sherlock considered. Small price to pay this first time. Then he'd show John the paperwork and there need be no barriers between them next time. 

He pouted a bit but John just raised an eyebrow and stared back at him. Jerking his head towards the bedside table, Sherlock muttered "Top drawer."

"Thank you, sweetheart," John said. He plucked a packet from the drawer and dropped it beside them on the bed. "Now, where was I? Oh yes."

John leaned down to capture Sherlock's mouth once more in a searing kiss. Sherlock's breath hitched as John's slick finger circled his entrance, and he pushed up into John's mouth on his. John smiled against him and began pressing kisses down his neck, across his shoulders, before moving down his chest again. His hands dropped to brush through John's hair, loving the feeling of the short strands between his fingers. 

Sherlock let out a soft cry when John's finger breached him and his hips jerked off the bed as John sucked the very tip of Sherlock's prick into his mouth. Heat pooled in his belly as John lifted his head and kissed down his shaft, slowly moving his finger in and out, circling and stroking. Soon Sherlock was keening, begging for more. 

"John, more," he moaned, lost in his desire. John obliged, adding another finger and licking away the pre come gathering at Sherlock's slit. Sherlock's breath was coming in great gasps now, his pulse racing and unsteady. Then John curled his fingers just so and sparks went off in Sherlock's mind, his blood thrumming in his veins. He arched his back, squirming as the intense pleasure swept through him. As soon as it had passed he felt his eyes suddenly fill with tears, chest heaving with heavy sobs. John's hand moved away and he gathered Sherlock's shuddering body into his arms. He murmured soothingly as Sherlock trembled, overcome and furious at himself. His face flushed flushed with shame. He had ruined this, spoiled it before they'd even got very far. It was just too much, after waiting so long and wanting so badly, the feeling of John's fingers inside him so perfect and it was just too much.

"Shh, s'okay," John was saying, "we don't have to-"

"No!" Sherlock gasped, "John, please.."

"Hey, it's okay, love," John was speaking into Sherlock's hair, "I'll just be more careful, yeah?"

"I d-don't need c-careful!" Sherlock hissed, pushing away and curling into himself. "I'm n-not made of glass, John!" 

"I know," John sighed. "C'mere, please? I just want to be near, that's all, no.. Funny business." Sherlock gradually moved closer. He felt his heart begin to calm, relaxing the longer John just lay beside him, not angry at him or disappointed in him, just... Staying. Understanding. It was not a feeling to which Sherlock was accustomed. It seemed every day Sherlock would be surprised by John, reminded just how grateful he would always be for anything John would willingly share with him. 

"You want to try again?" John asked. "It's okay if you don't love, honestly." Sherlock shook his head. "I do John, I do... Want to, that is. It's just..." 

"Intense, huh?" John finished. Sherlock nodded slightly. "It is for me too, love," John whispered. "I want you so much, Sherlock, all the time and it just... I-I just..." John broke off and huffed in annoyance. Sherlock smiled and curled closer into John's body. His arousal had wilted somewhat but he still craved their former proximity. He hummed his understanding, wanting to spare them both having to put too much into words. John hugged him fiercely and kissed his hair. 

"John?" Sherlock asked. 

"Yeah, love?"

"I want to try again. Now."

John laughed and rolled them over, so Sherlock was lying over him. He stroked Sherlock's back and kissed him tenderly. "Okay love, lie down."

Sherlock settled onto his back and breathed deeply as John poured more lube into his palm. He gently slicked and teased Sherlock's erection to full hardness, kissing his bottom lip and nibbling it to make Sherlock gasp. The room filled with the sound of their heavy breathing, low moans passing between them. John's hand moved lower, tugging lightly at Sherlock's balls. Then John stroked lower still and this time they both groaned as Sherlock quivered around John's finger. Sherlock was soon keening and panting as John slowly worked him open. 

"Oh, now John, now!" He tried to not to sound desperate but the breathlessness of his voice betrayed him. Fortunately John was in a similar state. "Okay, shush love," John whispered, turning onto his back. Sherlock frowned in confusion as John moved him, lifting his legs so Sherlock was straddling his lap. 

"It'll be easier for you, this way," John said encouragingly. Biting his lip, Sherlock gently grasped John's cock and gave it a couple of long pulls. Beneath him, John groaned and closed his eyes, pleasure written across his face. Smiling in satisfaction to himself, Sherlock guided the tip of John's cock to his hole and slowly began to lower his weight, taking his time and bearing down until John was fully inside him. 

The sensation of being connected with John in this way was indescribable. Sherlock closed his eyes and struggled not to come straightaway. He felt so full, so deliciously full. He moaned as John ran his hands up and down his thighs. 

"Oh God, Sherlock," John mumbled. Sherlock opened his eyes to see John staring up at him, undisguised adoration on his face. He tried lifting up a little and sinking back down and they groaned in unison. 

Confidence building as the burn gave way to pure pleasure, Sherlock leaned forward to rest his hands on John's shoulders and began to move in earnest. The drag of John's cock inside him caused hot shivers to break out all over his skin. Distantly he was aware of the noises he was making and he bit into his lip to stifle them. 

"No, no, let me hear you love," John pleaded, "let me hear you!" Sherlock acquiesced with a shy glance then closed his eyes and focused on what his body was feeling. A litany of "oh" and "John" poured form his throat as he chased his climax. 

John's hand closed around his cock and suddenly Sherlock was right there, on the edge. Then John stroked him firmly, once, twice, three times and Sherlock was coming, spilling on John's chest and stomach and neck, crying out in his ecstasy. He could feel himself clenching around John and warmth flooded his belly as he felt John start to come, filling the condom. He stayed there, watching in awe as John was lost to his orgasm. Finally, breathless, aching and happier than he ever thought he could feel, Sherlock collapsed forward onto John. John's arms came up around his back and they lay there, still joined, for a moment. 

Gradually Sherlock's thighs protested his body's position and he lifted himself up and off, stifling a ludicrous giggle as John's softening cock slipped free of him. John sniggered and rolled onto his side, stripping off the condom, tying a neat knot in it and unceremoniously dropping it to the floor. He wiped Sherlock's come from his chest and neck with a corner of the sheet, looking at Sherlock over his shoulder with a cheeky wink. Sherlock blushed inexplicably and picked at his side of the sheet a little sheepishly. John took pity on him and rolled back over, arm outstretched, beckoning. Sherlock shuffled in close, resting his head on John's chest as John played with his curls. All was quiet and peaceful, utterly blissful. 

"I love you," Sherlock whispered. He wriggled even closer, John dropping kisses into his hair as he whispered back. "I love you too." Sherlock's breathing gradually slowed and he fell into a deep sleep, wrapped in John's loving embrace and boundless affection.


End file.
